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  • Neda Dardashti

Healing Loneliness

Often, when we feel alone, desperate with need or in a disconnected and isolated  we decide that it is because we don’t have someone to be close to, to be loved by. We go out looking for that special someone to fill us up, and we are constantly disappointed. It seems like there is never going to be the “right” one to complete us, to give warmth. We are looking for a way to heal, change the deep emptiness and lack of love we feel. We are in need, sometimes desperate need. We feel like we have been abandoned, left unwanted. It can feel like its been that way forever and will never change. It is such a despairing place. And when we finally find hope in another person being there for us, we give ourselves over. We give and give, trying to figure out what will make them stay and bring the completeness we are looking for. With this, another kind of desperation emerges and with it new exhaustion and distress. Making everything worse. We can become more empty and dependent. Dependent for our happiness and our sense of self. 

There is a problem with our strategy. It is inherently flawed. Let me say it again: IT IS INHERENTLY FLAWED. IT WILL NEVER WORK. 

Please don’t cry. I have an answer. You can try it on and see what it does. Feel how it touches you, what does it open up for you. Don’t think too hard, just try it on, feel it out. 

I believe that what is really missing and why we feel a bottomlessness emptiness is that WE ARE ABSENT. WE ARE NOT WITHIN OURSELVES. At some point in time we left. Then there was no one there to tend to our needs, heart or well being. We stopped being present. Stopped doing the things that light us up and nourish, really nourish us. The longer we do this, the more empty we become and feel. 

Look, almost always, we start this, this leaving ourselves… we start it / do it to cope with a deep overwhelming hurt or series of hurts. None of us are unique in this experience. There isn’t one person on this planet that has not been hurt. Not one. Sorry but in this circumstance you are not special or alone. So lets, together, take a step over the shame that keeps you, me, us from coming home to our selves. 

The Lover you’re searching for, the one you feel like you can’t live without, the one you know will make your life worthwhile, delicious even, IS YOU. No other can meet you there until you are there, home within yourself. No one can bring you your light or brightness back to you but you.

Don’t despair.  Don’t free fall into overwhelm. Don’t tell yourself you can’t or that it is impossible. Because IT IS POSSIBLE. No matter how dark and lonely things are or feel, there is a way to find the warmth of your own being and come home to yourself. However, you must choose it, for it to happen. It takes being present with yourself, admitting that there is a need for healing and growth. No one, but you, can make that choice for you. 

Make the decision. Be open and life will bring you the help and guidance that you need. I promise you that. I’ve seen it happen so many times that it is undeniable to me. Life, Nature, is compelled to seek harmony and wholeness. It is a force larger than any shame, trauma, pain or unworthiness you have. Life will do what it must. It will bring you aid. But for that to be of any value to you, you need to be open to it and take hold of its offering to you. Be the one who loves you and you are close to.

Know thyself. 

Come home to yourself ! I’m cheering you on! Excited to be part of your journey,  happy to help any way I can.

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